Heather Ream’s memoir, Lunchladies Bought My Prom Dress, is an amazing story of her early life in Knoxville, Tennessee. When I initially received a copy of the book from Heather, she included a lovely handwritten note thanking me for agreeing to review it. When we chatted on the phone after I finished reading her book, she wanted me to know that despite her circumstances, in many ways her life was blessed. When you read her book, you will be amazed at her resourcefulness.
Mary Ellen Thompson: You’ve said that Lunchladies Bought My Prom Dress started as a love letter to your mother and then ended up as a love letter to anyone who grew up feeling different. In your experience in the intervening years, do you think that there are any of us, ever, who at some point in time, didn’t feel different? Do you think that’s one of the reasons that your book has a universal appeal?
Heather Ream: That’s kind of you to say my book has a universal appeal, thank you. I agree – I think “feeling different” is part of every human’s experience. As I wrote “Lunchladies,” I began to see myself as any of us. Sure, I was the protagonist, but I was really just anybody who got knocked down a bunch but always tried to get back up. It was my story, but also so many others’ stories – whether because of growing up with lack, having a body shape or size that made them feel embarrassed or judged, or questioning their religious roots. A lot of people clawed their way out of tough circumstances, and each of our stories is compelling. So, it was about me and not about me—but I wanted to transfer my hope to all of us.
MET: Despite the tragic things that happened to you as a child, you maintain a sense of humor throughout the book. When you were actually growing up, did you have a sense of humor then about what was going on, or did that all come to you in retrospect?
Heather Ream
HR: Oh, I was definitely a ham growing up, and an early adopter of sarcasm. I had several smart-aleck uncles and male cousins on my dad’s side who elevated their sarcastic humor to an art (much to the annoyance of the rest of us). The only way to earn a little respect in that giant testosterone-filled family was to give as good as you got. (Think Pee-Wee Herman, whom we all adored, multiplied by ten!) By the time Sissy and I were teenagers, we understood that utterly ridiculous humor could be a powerful weapon against despair. That’s part of the reason our hallway (in “Por”) ended up looking the way it did. At some point, you just lean into the absurdity to survive it.
MET: You have told your story with hope, humor, and defiance. Was it your spirituality that stayed you on the course and led you to be so positive?
HR: Well, thank you! I would say it’s been my personal experience with whom I identify as God that has helped me maintain positivity more than any nuance of the Southern Baptist wing of the Christian faith I was raised in. I consider myself a progressive Christian nowadays, but of course, I don’t have all the answers figured out and none of us ever will. Personally, I’ve been rescued from calamities enough times that it’s only logical to believe in something. I strive to always do better to learn and to love, and I trust that Whomever is out there will make sure I get the experiences and answers I need to feel alright with this world and be ok in the next one. And I think that a loving Creator provides this for us all.
MET: As you were writing them, did you read the chapters to your mother? And if so, how did she react?
HR: Sadly, she never heard them. By the time I had started writing my book, her illness (schizo-affective disorder compounded by vascular dementia) had progressed to a point where her concentration was very limited. She did know that I was writing the book, and I’d always tell her a little bit about a few of the chapters as I finished them. She gave me permission many years ago to write about her, as I had started a blog to help me deal with her very complicated illness. She trusted that I would write her fairly. Mama was gregarious, tougher-than-nails, often child-like, and unforgettable; I didn’t want the last chapter of her life to be the final word on her legacy. I’m grateful to say it’s not. Even though she passed before my book was published, I’d like to think that every time I talk about her in a book club or interview, she brags to Jesus about it in Heaven. “Remember that time in Western Heights when I rebuked those men with my Bible and ran ’em off the porch? I would have whooped them if You’d let me.” That would be so her.
MET: Your sister isn’t quoted in the book, unlike your parents and friends, why is that?
HR: I’m so glad you noticed! That was very much on purpose, out of respect to my sister. It was very important for me to have Sissy’s permission to write this book. I love her fiercely and even dedicated the book to her. Understandably, she was very protective of her own experiences and memories of childhood and has a creative outlet of her own—she’s a singer/songwriter. She told me I was allowed to include our shared experiences but that it would be a little weird for me to use direct quotes. So, I had a little fun with that and paid homage to Maggie Simpson and Silent Bob—both great characters who say a whole lot, but don’t use words.
Mary Ellen Thompson
MET: The story may have started out as a love letter, but as you got into it, what was your process in writing this book?
HR: Writing became like therapy or rehabilitation to me. Like many writers, I have a day job and household duties and the like. I just made it a habit to sit down and write in the evening as much as I could. The last few months of Mom’s life were especially difficult; dedicating those precious stories to paper was cathartic and helped me work through the grief—but just like lifting heavy weights, it was hard. Incremental work adds up—which is what I want to remind any writer or would-be writer—and eventually, you have a manuscript. Then, I enlisted beta readers, hired a proofreader and a designer. I was pleased with the end product for so many reasons.
MET: You are promoting this book on your own, you don’t have an agent or a publicist, how difficult is that for you, and what is the process by which you are promoting it: book tours, author’s luncheons, book clubs, video chat sessions?
HR: I’ve been fortunate that lots of friends—all across the country—have embraced it and spread the word. And I’m most proud that somehow, my local library system bought multiple copies. I’ve gotten several offers to speak to book clubs because a member found it at the library. Libraries have always been very important to me. I’ve done TV and print media interviews in Knoxville, and one “big time” TV interview in Nashville that I was quite delighted with, even though I sweated through my blouse in less than three minutes. Luckily, nothing showed on camera! My family is high-risk, so my appearances and interviews are virtual. I’m grateful for the technology that allows those to happen. Some days I feel like the sky’s the limit, and others, I want to sit around after work in grimy sweatpants eating Kool-Aid out of the packet because I think any success I’ve had is a fluke—probably like most creative people! I want to make a very important point—whether you are a NYT best-selling author or a scrappy, indie, self-published Gen-Xer like myself, promotion is a daily hustle. No one will do it for you (unless you can afford to hire someone). Reach out to anyone who you think might be interested and see if they’ll carry your book, or host you on their podcast, or let you do a song-and-dance in front of their store wearing a chicken costume in exchange for a purchase. Whatever it takes, babe. All they can do is say no.
MET: Are you either writing, or planning to write, another book and if so, what would you do differently in the promoting and publishing arena?
HR: Yes, I’m working on the sequel to Lunchladies right now. “What happened next? With college? With poverty?” I hear those questions a lot. I survived and I’d like to think I thrived, but it was not a linear path to the top. (When is it ever?) The first time I published, I wasted money on online courses on how to become a best-seller by slashing prices and doing pre-orders and contests and great videos and a bunch of stuff that frankly seemed like a huge pain in the rear. So, I spent all this money and then decided not to use the info. In the end, my book was an Amazon best-seller anyway without all the extra gimmicks. I’ll definitely save that money this time. I also plan to shorten the amount of post-manuscript work by starting the cover art design sooner than last time. I plan on working with the same designer.
MET: The International Pulpwood Queens and Timber Guys Book Club selected your book to be the May 2024 Bonus Book Club selection. That’s quite an honor—how do you feel about that?
HR: I was amazed. A fellow writer and mentor encouraged me to send my book to Kathy L. Murphy, the club’s founder. I was thrilled to be selected. Most incredibly, I attended the Club’s virtual conference this year and couldn’t believe Kathy’s guest speakers—who were also current and former picks. There were multiple NYT bestselling authors and Pat Conroy authors-in-residence and I just kept thinking to myself, “If I’m in the same company as these folks, maybe I really have some writing talent,” as well as, “Am I really sitting here talking to these very successful authors like I didn’t just put clothes in the dryer and take out the garbage during my lunch break?” Incredible!
MET: I admire the statement that you made: “You can’t pull yourself up by your bootstraps if you don’t have any shoes.” If you could give people who had a similar experience to yours growing up one good piece of advice, what would it be?
HR: Thank you! To them I would say, don’t you dare give up. If I made it out, so will you. And I’m here to help if I can.
MET: Is there any question that you’ve wanted to answer, but no one has asked you yet?
HR: No one has yet asked me—how would you like your parents remembered? Obviously, I wrote about them both, but no one’s life or accomplishments can be distilled into a chapter or two. I want readers to know that Mama and Daddy were quirky, hilarious in their own ways, and loving. They were survivors, and Sissy and I inherited that trait. As the years pass, I find myself able to understand their choices with grace. Poverty is a many-tentacled enemy. Even when you, say, get a good budget going, you still have your health to worry about or whether the generational trauma you inherited is passed down or a dozen other situations ready to be used against you…it can be formidable. My parents did the best they could with the meager defenses they had…and look at all we accomplished. That’s what I want people to know. They did the best they could, and it was enough. And my heart is filled with gratitude for their sacrifices.
MET: Heather, thank you for being so open and honest about your family and circumstances; I know it will resonate with many people who can identify with your story. I am very impressed with your resilience and pleased to have read and reviewed your book.
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